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Essay: God's giftsWhen I was a young teen, younger than I am now, I reached a rough patch in my life, where I just wanted to end it all. I had bullies at school, constant drama, and a life hidden behind lies even if I was just 13. Life had reached an end for me, lost behind a fog I was seeking a better end for.
Then came freshman year in high school, I was nervous around the big kids, and the crowded hallways. I was the type of student to dress in black constantly, wear a sweatshirt, and blare music in her ears whenever she could. I only had a few friends, and tried my best for them, and even when I did good for them, it always seemed to end with a fight, of why I cant tolerate their disrespect, why I told the school about their abuse situation, why I cared. Things slowly began to cave in.
Before the year was up, kids found some of the smallest things about me to laugh at, my diet choices, my art, and my friends. So I gave into the taunts that harassed me daily, that weren't even by the bullies, just th
In motionlove is patient
love is kind
the world is vacant
their hearts are blind
you can travel through the oceans and seas
and hear each and ever lost plea
for the world was void and without shape
but through you
the skies were dressed in a blue cape
and the land grew
with a green hue
and with one breath
you spoke my life into motion
but as i grew and grew
my heart became how the earth
void and shapeless
tempted by suicide
i'd hope to abide
but you took another breath
and spoke my life into motion
even when my hopes became bleak
in the end, you were the one i'd seek
once you had me in your stable grasp
my eyes were open to
the wonders i've avoided
then, one more breath
you spoke my hopes into motion
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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